Once homeless runaway, mom now a triathlete

A childhood of homelessness, starvation and illness doesn’t make for stand-up comedy, but Lisa Ann Oliveira has turned her life into a stream of schtick.

It all falls under her new life philosophy: “There are no victims, only volunteers.”

For the past two years, the Scottsdale real estate agent and single mom of four kids (one of which was adopted from Africa and is currently at the University of Arizona) has been voluntarily torturing her body in triathlons. This weekend’s race in New York City will be her 25th since 2006.

“The goal is to not stop running and don’t drown in the Hudson,” she said.

Until college, however, the 39-year-old’s goal was to flee a family that couldn’t have cared less about her.

For most of her first 18 years, Oliveira, her mother and five siblings slept vertically in their Ford Grand Torino every Bay Area night.

“We weren’t homeless,” she joked. “We had a car.”

Her father had disappeared early on. Her mother showed no interest in working. Her siblings have since ended up in jail or as vagabonds. Her home address was a license plate. She missed meals and brushed her teeth at 7-Eleven water fountains.

Nights wheezing and gasping from asthma were met with screams of “Go to sleep!”

“It wasn’t drugs, not alcohol, she just didn’t take care of us,” Oliveira said of her mother. “I always wanted to be a judge or lawyer ...”

Then she laughed.

“... probably to put my mother in jail.”

Oliveira was rail thin, grubby and teased relentlessly in school, which she kept attending despite walking a few miles each way, partly because of the lure of getting a free lunch.

Oliveira was 14 when one of her sisters called police to the family’s “home,” a 7-Eleven parking lot. Lisa wanted no part of a foster home, so she ran away.

It was her and a large, green, Hefty garbage bag of her belongings. She’d stay a few nights with one of her teachers, then moved in with a guidance counselor.

She admitted to shoplifting an alarm clock so she could get up for school.

“One thing is you lie a lot to protect yourself,” she said. “You make your way and start to learn better coping mechanisms when you get older. But if you give in to what’s natural, it can be awkward and embarrassing.

“I had social issues, I was a big-mouth, confrontational. I was always on guard. You don’t act right because you’re not grounded like the rest of the world and have no experience doing that.”

In 1987, she became the only member of her family to graduate from high school. She worked as a shift supervisor at Wendy’s to help pay her way through junior college.

Then she worked her way through UC-Davis and Seattle University — she did all of her own college applications, sometimes fudging information — and earned the family’s first college degree in 1995.

A math teacher out of college, she met her now ex-husband in Seattle and lived in Reno, Nev., Montana and Albuquerque, N.M., before moving to the Valley three years ago. where her former real estate agent encouraged her to enter the business.

Always a good runner, Oliveira was training along a canal for the P.F. Chang’s half-marathon two years ago when she got caught in a dust storm. Then and there, she decided to try endurance races which feature two or three activities, rather than one long run.

Like most newcomers, she had no clue what she was doing, but as long as it was part of leaving her previous life behind, it was worth trying.

She makes breakfast and lunch for her three at-home kids — ages 11, 9 and 6 — and takes them to school, goes to her one to two hours of training, then becomes a real estate agent until school is out at 3:30 p.m.

“It is motivation for her,” said trainer Nick Goodman, who operates Durapulse Performance training center in Scottsdale. “It amazes me what she can get done and have time for her kids and it’s clear they’re No. 1.”

Oliveira does it all despite an asthma condition that requires five medications. She also has had bouts with Epstein Barr virus, which is similar to mononucleosis and makes her fatigue quickly.

Oh, and Oliveira still vomits after every race, whether it’s a 5K or a full triathlon.

“We’re working on it,” Goodman said.

More than once, Oliveira has felt overwhelmed by it all and cried during training and competitions.

Oliveira hears from her family only when they want something. The biggest mystery to her is why she was the one who beat rap sheets and a rancid childhood her family seems unable (or unwilling) to escape. The “why” may never become clear.

Life could have been worse, though. Some triathlon participants are blind, or without arms or legs.

“I’d rather be who I am and come where I come from than that,” she said.

Her misfortunes weren’t physical, but she’s gotten good at racing against the odds.

“Everyone’s equal,” Oliveira said. “... It’s like family and it’s probably where my draw to this sport is. Sometimes you have to find family somewhere else, and you better go find it or you’ll be miserable.”

A typical training week for Oliveira

Monday -- Lift weights

Tuesday -- 3,000 yards (swim); 6-8 miles (run)

Wednesday -- Lift weights; 40 miles (bike); 6-8 miles (run)

Thursday -- 3,000 yards (swim) and 90 minutes (bike)

Friday -- Lift weights; 3,500 yards (swim)

Saturday -- 70 miles (bike)

Sunday -- 15 miles (run)

New York City Triathlon
Who: 3,000 athletes
When: Sunday
Course: 1,500-meter swim in the Hudson River; 40-kilometer (24.8 mile) bike ride along the Henry Hudson Parkway; 10-kilometer (6.2 mile) run through Central Park