Camps teach older kids how to feel about newborn

A little more than a year ago, Kristen and Brent Olson were feeling a bit nervous. Their second child was due in a matter of weeks, but it was their daughter Ashlyne they were paying special attention to.

“There’s a 7 1/2-year age difference between our daughter and son, so we were really concerned about how a new baby would change the dynamics of things, how Ashlyne was going to react to a having a baby in the family,” says Kristen Olson.

The Queen Creek couple were right to pick up on the potential for problems, says Suzanne Clinton, program coordinator of prenatal education at Banner Desert Medical Center in Mesa. “If you’re expecting baby number two, that’s a huge adjustment for the child who’s been the center of attention their whole lives.”

Looking to make that transition as smooth as possible, the Olsons attended Banner’s Baby Day Camp for Big Brothers & Big Sisters, a three-hour program for kids who are about to lose their only-child status to an adorable, attention-stealing newborn.

The camp, offered again Saturday, teaches children how to safely hold and touch an infant and lays ground rules about no-no’s like sharing food and playing with a baby. It also familiarizes kids with the hospital’s labor and delivery floor and a postpartum guest room, where they’re likely to visit while mom is in the hospital.

“When you first tell your child they’re going to be a big brother or big sister, it’s exciting for them, and it’s all positive,” says Clinton, who will lead the camp. “It’s only after the baby’s born that the child starts to realize: ‘Wait, the baby’s coming home? For good? The baby has all this stuff? Mommy and Daddy are going to be really busy with the baby?’ Children can feel sensitive about how wrapped up everyone is in the baby. They can feel forgotten.”

Kristen Olson noticed that, as her due date neared, 7-year-old Ashlyne’s uncertainty about her new sibling grew more noticeable.

“She made subtle comments or asked questions. I could tell she was scared about what her position was going to be after the baby was born. We wanted to make sure she knew she was still an important part of the family, that all of the attention wasn’t going to go to our son.”

Clinton says it’s important parents remember to put their first child first at times, even amid the chaos of figuring out a new routine. Being mindful of a child’s feelings and making time to let them know they’re still important are keys to a happier experience for the family.

As for Ashlyne and little brother Reese, the kinks have been small and workable.

“Being involved, letting her help with him, was a big part of it,” says Kristen Olson. “And I had to kind of learn that it’s not going to kill the baby if (Ashlyne) puts the diaper on a little bit wrong. It’s been great. Now that he’s mobile and more active, they’re having fun together.”

Easing the transition

Suzanne Clinton, program coordinator of Prenatal Education at Banner Desert Medical Center in Mesa, says there are a number of things parents can do to help their firstborn step into the role of big brother or sister. Some tips for lessening the stress of the transition:

• Give your older child a gift from the baby on delivery day. The gift can be small, but the message should be something along the lines of: “Thank you for being my big brother or sister. I’m really glad I have you. I can’t wait to get to know you and learn from you.”

• Emphasize the advantages of being the older sibling. Saying, “Poor baby can only drink milk, but you, big sister, can have ice cream with me,” reminds a child of all the neat things she can do. That’s important when it seems like crying, sleeping and dirty diapers are the only things that get parents’ attention.

• Put your first child first. When there’s not a pressing safety issue, go ahead and say “Sorry, baby, you’re going to have to wait just a minute for a new diaper. I’m making big brother a sandwich.”

• Let your child help. An older child can easily help pick out an outfit. It may look bizarre, but it won’t hurt the baby to wear mismatched clothes. “Three and 4-year-olds think the world of being able to help,” says Clinton. “They want to be big and do the things that mommy and daddy can do.”

• Let feeding mean reading. Designate a bin of books for feeding time. When mom feeds the baby, the older child can read aloud to mom and baby or listen to mom read the story.

• Make regular one-on-one time a must. Walk to the park, ride bikes up and down the sidewalk, or do some other activity your child likes. Even spending 30 minutes counts, says Clinton.