The Guy Side: Understanding athletic supporters

Baseball season has begun!

If someone you love is a sports fan, it means the glorious emotional fireworks of March Madness will happen all over again - but this time they'll take months to unfold. Baseball fans know: Many a rain delay must be weathered; many an extra inning must be endured; many a sweaty-hot midday getaway game must be played before we realize that our team's a goner.

Unless we're Pittsburgh. Then we know it now.

Football fans root, basketball fans cheer, baseball fans abide. And we use a variety of styles to pass the time with America's Pastime:

The bandwagoner: Hops on a winning team like a tick on a sumo wrestler, and pretends they were there all along. These are the painted floozies of fan fidelity. The type that find religion in the ambulance while the EMTs grease up the defibrillator. Their loyalty, though obnoxiously expressed (they break out the most "I told you so's"), lasts only as long as the momentum does. Sadly, bandwagoners cannot be prosecuted. Although bills in several state legislatures will make it legal to slap one on game day.

The true believer: The tragic polar opposite. These guys not only stay on the bandwagon, they would ride it through a bus-load of orphans. They don't support their team so much as enable it. Their guys do no wrong. The franchise is wise, they'll insist, to trade their center fielder for office supplies and live bait. Their cleanup hitter is believable when he says the strip club folks were all dead when he got there. These are the guys who insist every year is "The Year" for the team. You kind of want to hit them with a hammer. You'll inflict the same damage the season will, but you'll save them so much time.

The fatalist: A true believer who's had too many "Say it ain't so, Joe" moments. Their team can do no right. But they'll watch every game, pre-game and postgame show anyway. Fatalists protect themselves by constantly predicting doom. Then the sting of defeat is dulled by the fact that they were right. One day their team will go all the way, and fatalists secretly crave the awkward situation that'll put them in. But until then, their battle cry is: "See?"

The groom: More the happy medium. Your team is not so much a cause as a relationship. It has its ups and downs. Some days you're there, full of fire and passion. Some days you're there because there are chips and the couch fits your keister. But you're always there. Simple attendance may not be the most romantic part of a relationship, but try having one without it. These guys avoid the giddy highs (which lead to crushing lows) and pace themselves for the long run. It's a lot like being married, except the bickering only goes one way, and you don't have to defend what you look like naked.