Bordow: NASCAR still a mystery after story lines fall flat

You remember that first foreign film you saw, the one that the cute girl in your English class said would be so profound, and you sat there, mystified? That’s how I feel about NASCAR.

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Every year I make my way out to Phoenix International Raceway to see the Subway Valvoline Checker Auto Parts Miller Lite 500.

Every year I leave the track saying the same thing:

“I don’t get it.”

I don’t understand what’s so exciting about a bunch of guys making left turns for three hours.

I don’t understand fans who arrive on Monday in their motor homes and live in the parking lot.

(What, the rest stop area along Interstate 10 was full?)

And I particularly don’t understand why drivers talk the way they do.

Is there some sort of requirement in NASCAR that you have to refer to your ride by its number  — “the No. 99 car just didn’t have it in the corners today,” — and mention your sponsor every time you open your mouth?

“I was on my way to lunch at Hooters when I saw The Bass Pro Shops Tracker Boats Chevrolet and I thought, ‘That No. 1 car could be tough to beat.’ ”

It’s ridiculous. I mean, can you imagine Steve Nash saying, “No. 13 hit his open 3-pointers today because he got a good night’s sleep on his RoomStore bed?”

(OK, maybe Shawn Marion would).

Every so often, though, a story emerges that is so intriguing it even captures my attention.

Saturday night, PIR.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. is trying to hold off Mark Martin in the Subway Fresh Fit 500.

Earnhardt hasn’t won since May of 2006, a streak lasting 80 races.

Martin is 49. He’s a part-time driver in the Sprint Cup Series who hasn’t won since 2005. Martin is driving for DEI, the race team originally owned by Earnhardt’s father, Dale, and run by Junior’s stepmother, Theresa.

Earnhardt was, in essence, trying to run from his past.

There was no question as to who NASCAR was rooting for.

Earnhardt is the most popular driver in the sport. He drives television ratings and his name draws interest from even casual fans.

Martin?

His time has come — and gone. You could almost hear the television channels change when he passed Earnhardt on lap 272, and Dale Jr. began to slip back into the pack.

A Martin victory, however, would have been a nice moment of nostalgia. Particularly since he ran out of gas with two laps left in the April 2006 race at PIR after leading 111 laps.

Alas, the story took a — what else — left turn when Martin made a pit stop on lap 302 for fuel and two tires.

That allowed Jimmie Johnson to move to the front and Johnson, gambling that he didn’t need to go to the pits, hung on for the win.

Martin?

He walked off into the night, disappointed again, and believing that he, too, could have raced to the finish without a pit stop.

“I saved a lot of gas, probably more than they (his team) knew,” Martin said. “You can’t stop if somebody else stays out.”

As Martin spoke, fireworks burst into the sky. Race teams began packing up their haulers. Fans headed for the parking lots, already anticipating, I’m sure, the Checker Auto Parts 500 in November.

I’ll be there as well.

Maybe, by then, I’ll appreciate the subtitles.

But I doubt it.

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Listen to Scott Bordow every Monday at 2:25 p.m. on The Fan AM 1060 with Bob Kemp