Part 6 of a 6-day series

The news that she could lose her job sent Pam Kazmaier reeling. Already on heavy doses of psychiatric medication, the stress and anxiety rocked her body.

A 6-part series

Sunday: Together in death

Monday: By the book

Tuesday: Troubled pasts

Wednesday: “I am not their servant”

Thursday: New hair, new underwear

Today: “You don’t throw people away”

She drove to the Magellan Health Services clinic, formerly ValueOptions, and found her mental health case manager, Jackie Byrd, who settled her down and adjusted her dosage.

Pam adored working with the seriously mentally ill at the East Valley Clubhouse in Mesa, and it was a huge part of her recovery.

She’d pleaded guilty to felony child abuse after trying to commit suicide in 2003 with her 12-year-old son, and everyone at the clubhouse and its parent agency, Triple R, knew her story. But in September, she learned she’d failed a new background check requirement.

Jackie, along with Pam’s county probation officer, Jan Johnston, had already begun the process of getting Pam terminated early from probation and her record expunged. The background check snafu provided additional incentive.

Pam got glowing, gushing letters of recommendation from everyone she worked for and, with Jan, Jackie and public defender Tammy Wray, put together a convincing case for Maricopa County Judge Michael D. Hintze.

On any given day, there are more than 2,000 people with mental illnesses in Maricopa County’s jails. Thousands more are on probation, convicted of crimes in spite of, or because of, their illness. Most come to mental health court, where specially trained judges, lawyers and case managers review cases together with an eye toward keeping people out of jail, on their meds and moving forward.

There was little doubt that Pam had been a model probationer. In addition to complying with the typical requirements — regular meetings with her probation officer and case manager, paying a $50 monthly probation fee — she had taken control of her mental illness and worked hard to manage it, recognizing and responding to early signs of instability and avoiding situations that could lead to stress or anxiety.

But on Sept. 26, when she first went before the judge, joined by her husband, Kevin, her sons and her boss, she’d served little more than two years of a 10-year term.

“Everybody was in your corner,” Wray said after the team had discussed Pam’s case. “Except one person, and that’s the county attorney.”

The prosecutor opposed Pam’s release from probation, so Hintze gave the office time to make its case against her and set another hearing.

“I’d rather go have a baby,” the former obstetrics nurse said after the hearing. “It’s less invasive.”

On Oct. 31, both sides made emotional arguments before the judge.

“I don’t believe this ever should have been treated as a criminal issue,” Wray said, her voice cracking. “This is a woman who has an illness, who had a critically ill child.

“It was a bad situation and, to the Kazmaiers’ credit, they rose to the occasion. And they would’ve done so with or without probation. They responded as a family.”

Kevin told the judge that Pam and Zack were not the same people they were in September 2003. That the right medication had turned their lives around and that, as a cop for 25 years, he would not be supporting her if he didn’t believe in her. “I didn’t see her falling,” he said, standing before the judge with Pam, their arms wrapped around each other. “I monitor my son’s mental health on a daily basis. I know a lot more now.”

Prosecutor JoAnn Sakato had kind words for Pam and praised the progress she and the family had made, but asked the judge to keep her on probation.

“The state has a difficult task today, and that is to oppose the early termination of a probationer who has performed brilliantly,” Sakato said. “We are asking for more time ... at least until the victim reaches majority.”

The judge issued his ruling the day before Thanksgiving: Pam would be on unsupervised probation and have a review hearing July 31 — the day before Zack’s 18th birthday.

Jackie is appealing denial of the fingerprint clearance card, since Pam’s plea agreement said the conviction wouldn’t be held against her for employment purposes.

She’s also trying to get a hearing before the state Board of Nursing, hoping Pam’s license can be reinstated. Pam’s probation status means she doesn’t even have to report to a probation officer, and the Triple R administration has insisted that she stay on the job.

Jackie, who used to believe that Pam was the most likely of all her clients to commit suicide, now calls her “an inspiration.”

Today Pam, 53, works four hours a day at the clubhouse, then goes to the family’s Mesa home and helps Zack with his homework.

Pam spends most nights at the nearby condo she and Kevin bought in 2005, reading, writing and enjoying the peace and quiet.

Zack is a typical high school sophomore, getting decent grades and spending his free time on his BMX bike with his friends. He knows there are lots of other kids with mental illness and has some advice for them.

“I think the medicine is the big thing,” he says. “And talking really helps a lot. Then finding something you enjoy doing, that gets your mind off all that stuff.”

Pam cooks dinner for everyone on weekends. They play board games, watch movies and take vacations together. The arrangement is unconventional, but so is the family. And it’s working.

Four years after the Sunday morning that upended the Kazmaier family, Kevin is asked how they managed to stay together, healthier now than ever.

He pauses, then takes off his glasses and sets them on the kitchen table. There are tears in his eyes.

“You don’t throw people away.”

Pam nods. She knows there are people out there who don’t believe they’ll ever recover. Whose families have lost hope and don’t know where to turn. She was there once, too, and thought she was the only one.

“Families hide this. I refuse to keep it hidden,” she says.

“Mental illness isn’t this black hole that people fall in and never get out of. You can recover and move forward. It’s not a death sentence.”

ABOUT PAM’S STORY:

Information contained in these stories comes from court records and hearings, hospital and medical records, police reports, school records and interviews with the family and others involved in Pam Kazmaier’s case and her life.

About bipolar disorder

Bipolar disorder (also called manic depression, bipolar affective disorder) is characterized by periods of excitability (mania) alternating with periods of depression. The mood swings between mania and depression can be very abrupt.

It occurs equally among men and women, and there is some family connection. Bipolar disorder results from disturbances in areas of the brain that regulate mood. There is a high risk of suicide with bipolar disorder and a tendency to abuse alcohol or drugs, which can worsen symptoms.

Symptoms: During the manic phase, a person may be overly impulsive and energetic. Symptoms include racing thoughts, hyperactivity, lack of self-control, inflated self-esteem, reckless behavior (spending sprees, binge eating and drinking, sexual promiscuity), little need for sleep or short temper.

The depressed phase may bring feelings of anxiety, low self-esteem and suicidal thoughts. Symptoms include persistent sadness, listlessness, sleep and eating disturbances, loss of self-esteem, feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness and guilt, withdrawal from friends and activities or persistent thoughts of death.

Source: National Institute of Mental Health

Need help?

For more information about mental illness, or to find help for yourself or someone you know:

• National Alliance for Mental Illness, Arizona chapter; 2210 N. Seventh Ave., Phoenix, 85006-1604, (602) 244-8166, www.namiaz.org

• Magellan Health Services; (800) 564-5465; crisis line (800) 631-1314; www.magellanofaz.com

• Triple R Behavioral Health, (602) 995-7474, www.trbh.org; East Valley Clubhouse, (480) 835-0343; Apache Junction Clubhouse, (480) 288-0850

• Mental Health Association of Arizona, 6411 E. Thomas Road, Scottsdale, 85251, (480) 994-4407, www.mhaarizona.org