Three days left until Christmas. I had better start shopping.
For Suns coach Terry Porter: An NBA rule change that allows a team to play with four basketballs at once. That way, he can keep Amaré Stoudemire, Steve Nash, Shaquille O'Neal and Jason Richardson happy.
For New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress: Gun safety lessons. And bulletproof chaps.
For Chicago Cubs announcer Ron Santo: A special Hall of Fame plaque awarded by his legion of fans. At least they have the good sense to understand he belongs in Cooperstown.
For Diamondbacks general manager Josh Byrnes: A No. 3 starter. Oh, wait, he had one in Randy Johnson.
For Charles Barkley: The wisdom to understand that when he plays the race card so indiscriminately, he does a disservice to issues in which race truly is a factor.
For Arizona State football coach Dennis Erickson: A running game. A quarterback. An offensive line. And a flak jacket should he finish 5-7 again.
For Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner: A simple thank you for being a true professional.
For the Arizona Rattlers: Some time on QVC to hawk their merchandise.
For former Arizona basketball coach Lute Olson: Contentment and good health as he adjusts to a life without basketball.
For Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens: Decency.
For the Phoenix Coyotes: A playoff berth and a better lease agreement with the city of Glendale.
For Joe Garagiola Sr.: Another season doing part-time work in the Diamondbacks' broadcast booth. Is there a better storyteller in all of baseball?
For Cardinals backup QB Matt Leinart: A 24-hour marathon showing of "The House Bunny," just so he might be seen in public again.
For Diamondbacks youngsters Mark Reynolds, Justin Upton and Chris Young: A better understanding of the strike zone.
For the Los Angeles Dodgers, who are charging as much as $125 a ticket for their Cactus League games in Glendale: Rainouts.
For John Daly: Someone in his life who will convince him he needs help. And that person can't work at Hooters.
For Arizona football coach Mike Stoops: A couple of top-shelf in-state recruits and a bottle of Valium.
For Cardinals general manager Rod Graves: An extra-large bottle of Motrin for the headaches he's going to get in the offseason trying to re-sign Warner and outside linebacker Karlos Dansby while placating wide receiver Anquan Boldin, safety Adrian Wilson and defensive lineman Darnell Dockett.
For Arizona State basketball coach Herb Sendek: An NCAA tournament berth and a Sweet 16 send-off to James Harden.
For Detroit Lions fans: Our sympathy.
For Suns general manager Steve Kerr: One day without some player complaining about his shot attempts.
For Diamondbacks starter Brandon Webb: The contract extension you so richly deserve.
For ASU football fans who will no longer make the trip north to Camp Tontozona: A lifetime of memories.
For my wife, Melissa, and my children, Ryan and Emily: My love and appreciation. You make me a better man.
For the 142 Tribune employees who won't have jobs come January: Good luck, God bless and thank you.
You'll be missed more than you know.