The Vent: November 25 - East Valley Tribune: The Vent

The Vent: November 25

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Posted: Sunday, November 25, 2007 12:29 am | Updated: 5:43 pm, Fri Oct 7, 2011.

“Mike Tyson got 24 hours jail time? That sure is a joke. Is the judge afraid, or is it the money?”

“What a shame Thanksgiving has become a second-class holiday, Halloween followed by Christmas.”

“Why don’t you Christmasholics celebrate Christmas and help the economy by buying artificial trees instead of killing living ones?”

“You might save a life, maybe more. Thank you for your tragic headline (Wednesday), 'Heroin killed Christian athlete.’ He was 17. Kids, live. Don’t even go there once.”

“I finally decided who I want to be president: The first candidate who pops open a beer, lights up a cigarette, shouts 'I can’t take this anymore,’ and takes out a gun and shoots his or her cell phone.”

“What kind of Kool-aid are the Federal Reserve governors drinking when they proclaim that inflation is moderating? Don’t these clowns go to the supermarket for food or drive their cars?”

“OK, they put Warren Jeffs in prison for, second-hand rape I guess you’d call it. But when are they start going to go after all of his crooks and cronies for, say, welfare fraud, misappropriation of school funds, conspiracy. They should round up every administrator in (Colorado City) and lock them away.”

“A lot of people who know me have wondered why I haven’t stepped up and taken control of the world. Depression made me apathetic toward the situation. But it’s getting so bad, maybe I should do that.”

“Probably the most popular place for entertainment in this country is Disneyworld. Yet, if the same bunch of idiots that are running our news media and the Democrats in Congress were around in the days when Disneyworld was conceived and being built, it would never have because Disneyworld is sitting on wetlands.”

“To the drivers with the bright blue headlights. I used to crop dust at night and didn’t need that kind of candle power. The only thing more annoying than those headlights are the people behind them.”

“Hi, do I  …  Well, I’ll call back in a little bit.”

“They should change the state motto to 'Don’t put away your summer clothes’.”

“AHCCCS is paying for teen girls to give birth to the next generation of prisoners and Wal-Mart workers. Where is the sex ed and birth control?”

“To the person that thinks Minnesotans and Iowans should do 45 mph because that’s the posted limit, be advised that 45 mph is not a required speed and it’s not a minimum speed. It’s a maximum speed.”

“The reason the Minnesotans and Iowans drive 30 mph is that’s as fast as their tractors would go.”

“You drive down the freeway at the speed limit, and faster cars cut through traffic, zig-zagging around you. How terrible! Were you not in the fast lane, but in a slower lane, they couldn’t zig around you, now could they? Move over, give them the fast lane. After all, their speeding is not your problem.”

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