The Vent: April 9 - East Valley Tribune: The Vent

The Vent: April 9

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Posted: Monday, April 9, 2007 3:07 am | Updated: 6:47 pm, Fri Oct 7, 2011.

“Hey, our experts predicted an early wildfire season last year and they were wrong. Let’s hope they are wrong this year, too.”

“To ASU, shut down your law college. This country cannot afford any more lawyers.”

“If our legislators want to stop the trash on the freeways, why don’t they pass a law that all open vehicles should be tarped?”

“Some of these parents who are divorced or are separated can’t wait to get involved with someone else instead of caring about the welfare of their children.”

“Kim Dillon gets a year (of) probation and a $1,000 fine? If I got popped for that, if you got popped for that, anybody who’s not famous, we’d be going to jail. Justice is blind, yeah right.”

“A new news report indicated the Flake-Gutierrez amnesty program will cost the taxpayers approximately $400 billion over the next 10 years. What a pork project.”

“There already exists a path to citizenship. You just go south until everyone speaks Spanish, and you do a U-turn until you see a long line, and you wait in that line.”

“Annex Mexico. Mission accomplished.”

“The amount of precious water spent on superfluous golf courses is alarming. Also, to use 1½ gallons of water to flush away four ounces of urine is more wasteful. Our properties will be worthless unless we can conserve our priceless asset.”

“Is there anybody who really believes that the Brit sailors were not in Iranian waters?”

“What a fantastic piece of international political theater the president of Iran managed to pull off, even getting the British Royal Navy to behave like sheep. Why? He told them he would make them celebrities. You watch, the media will make it so.”

“If you get really badly hurt, injured or killed trying to steal my tools, it’s your fault.”

“Somebody help! Right-wing nut jobs have taken over our airways!”

“Lefties do well in baseball, not in politics nor MSNBC.”

“I would like to see congressmen and women on Jeff Foxworthy’s show, ‘Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?’”

“I know you can’t blame Californians for Arizona’s decline. We’ve improved the quality of life here.”

“We import wheat from China because it’s cheaper than buying subsidized American wheat.”

“What Hillary and some of the venters don’t seem to understand about China buying our treasuries is they don’t own anything. They have loaned us money. That puts them at risk, not us.”

“We do know what causes autism. We are mandating babies be injected with mercury. It’s a no-brainer that the pharmaceutical companies refuse to acknowledge.”

“To the venter who thinks Mitt Romney is too honest to win, you do realize he’s a Republican, right?”

“The press is saying that (Mitt) Romney is getting all of his campaign contributions from Mormons. Why don’t they say that (Barack) Obama is getting all of his from blacks? I think the press is all liars.”

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