The Vent - December 25 - East Valley Tribune: The Vent

The Vent - December 25

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Posted: Monday, December 25, 2006 1:29 am | Updated: 2:27 pm, Fri Oct 7, 2011.

“Let’s all send a “Merry Christmas” card to the ACLU.”

“Why did you snowbirds bring your North Pole weather with you?”

“Dear Santa, I want a teddy bear for Christmas.”

“My truck was hit in the parking lot by a guy with no insurance. So I guess I won’t be giving anything to charity this Christmas.”

“I want to thank the honest person who found my purse on Baseline and Noble. He is my Christmas miracle.”

“Just in case my husband reads The Vent, I want to leave a message for him: Quit being a Grinch at Christmas. It’s not fun.”

“Maybe this old guy will get some red socks to go with his red shorts for Christmas.”

“Maybe Santa should have a telephone book put on his lap as was taught in the ’60s for proper dating protocol.”

“I’d sit on Santa’s lap and I’d let a child of mine sit on Santa’s lap. That’s part of the Christmas spirit!”

“Santa Claus and Christmas trees signify a holiday. Dec. 25 is Jesus Christ’s birthday. For those of you who don’t know, they are totally separate.”

“Christ is the greatest gift we have at Christmas and it’s the reason for the season. If you don’t accept him, then don’t accept any other gift, either.”

“I just wanted to say happy holidays and our prayers are with everybody who has people in Iraq right now. I can’t imagine what they are going through.”

“There are two holiday gifts I would like to give to the world — to eliminate greed and intolerance for mankind.”

“Why isn’t eggnog — yum, yum — available year-round?”

“I have a message for the venter who said ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ was a stupid movie. Is your first name Ebenezer?”

“Kia is probably one of the cheapest cars on the market and they have real good ads on TV. BMW is probably one of the highest priced cars, and all they have is a screaming little brat for a commercial.”

“I admit it. I was wrong. I thought Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump were over 8 years old.”

“What I would wish for Arizona for Christmas is we would get some wits in here to take the place of all of the half-wits we have.”

“In the spirit of Christmas, I’d like to apologize for all of the mean things I’ve said to you stupid venters. I hope you all have a good Christmas and a Happy New Year.”

“All I want for Christmas is for one of my calls... to make it into print.”

“Hey, you recognize the number. You recognize the voice. So thanks, Vent, for all of the prints and release of the frustrated opinions to help us all live and learn. Happy New Year!”

“Merry Chrismahanakwanzaamas to everyone!”

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