You won’t find Muhammad Yunus in this quiz. This year’s Nobel Peace Prize winner came up with the radical idea of helping poor people out by actually
lending them money. But until he slurs a minority, releases a painful rap album or hides in rehab, he doesn’t mesh with this crowd. 2006 was a circus freak year for guys. But that doesn’t mean we can’t learn from them:
1. “Those who forget the
past are _____________.”
a) Doomed to repeat it
b) Shocked when they
c) Donald Rumsfeld
2. “24’s” Jack Bauer taught America:
a) Don’t stand too close to
b) There isn’t a single problem, foreign or domestic, that can’t be tackled with a positive approach and a steady stream of gunfire.
c) To say, “Please, just shoot your daughter.”
3. Who taught us: “Never assume the German prime minister needs a back rub”?
a) Richard Simmons
c) President Bush
4. Kim Jong Il reminds us:
a) That absolute power corrupts, absolutely.
b) Not every man compensates with sports cars and jewelry.
c) Carry a couple of nukes around, and no one will notice your comb-over.
5. Kevin Federline’s lasting legacy will be:
a) His searing rap portraits of “the ’hood” in beachfront Malibu. b) “Spay/neuter” clauses in celebrity prenuptial agreements.
c) ... He was who, now?
6. In October, House Speaker Dennis Hastert angrily denied:
a) He had any prior knowledge of Rep. Mark Foley’s salacious text messages. b) That he’d transform himself into a tiny Democratic woman within weeks.
c) That he was a friendly, talking bear.
7. Which guys had the worst year?
a) The New York Knicks.
b) Moderate Republicans.
c) Jack Abramoff’s buddy
8. Floyd Landis’ Tour de France victory proved:
a) American dominance in cycling.
b) The sport is tainted by doping.
c) Once your urine sample gets its own news cycle, the magic is pretty much gone.
9. “Terrell Owens, Michael Richards and Dick Cheney walk into a bar ...” This joke ends with:
a) Richards getting shot, Owens spewing epithets and Cheney releasing the punch line from an undisclosed location.
b) Richards upside down, Cheney with a fork in him and Owens saying he should have gotten the punch line.
c) Don’t go into this bar.