That thud you just heard was either Sasha Cohen hitting the ice or the Los Angeles Clippers hitting the wall. With the gold medal in sight Thursday, Cohen fell. Twice.
I guess that covers everyone: Bode Miller? Super G-A-G. The U.S. hockey team? Two minutes for choking. Apolo Anton? Oh, no. At room temperature, Americans are golden. Then the mercury drops below freezing, and the slip-ups begin. Michelle Kwan was smart. Just go home before you get in a petty argument with a speedskater. Thank goodness for the snowboarders, who have more than a third of all American medals — three golds, three silvers and a bronze. That’s why the cover of this week’s Sports Illustrated looks like the wrap party of “Napoleon Dynamite II.”
EVERYONE’S A CRITIC
Ask Virginia tackle D’Brickashaw Ferguson, who could go among the top three picks of the 2006 draft, where his unusual first name originated and he turns into Roger Ebert.
“It’s from the movie ‘The Thorn Birds,’ a 1983 miniseries starring Richard Chamberlain,” Ferguson explained, likely for the gazillionth time. “It’s about a priest and some of the issues he had with his religion and his love relationship with a particular female. The miniseries dealt with the interplay between the two. His name was Father (Ralph) de Bricassart and my name was changed slightly.
“It was pretty good. There are definitely parts where you are saddened.”
I give that answer two thumbs up.
• It’s been the story of Shawn Marion’s career.
On a night when The Matrix explodes for a career-high 44 points and 15 rebounds in a signature performance, he’s the fourthbiggest story behind the Robert Sarver/Bryan Colangelo mojomeasuring contest, Steve Nash’s barking hamstring and empty rumors that Marion himself was headed to Minnesota for Kevin Garnett.
• The Bobblehead Curse strikes again. A few weeks after Kurt Thomas scored one point on his night (Feb. 6), Nash goes 2-for-13 and tweaks a knee in warmups Wednesday against Boston. Next year: Suns voodoo doll night.
• It just keeps getting better for Raiders fans. Coach Art Shell, who hasn’t worn a headset in years, hired a guy named Walsh to be his offensive coordinator.
Nope, not that Walsh. This is Tom Walsh, who hasn’t coached in the NFL since he was Shell’s OC in 1994. Lovely.
• The best part about “Throwback Night?” The Gorilla paying homage to his primate predecessor with his Rocky Balboa impersonation and skit.
• He’s going to appeal his suspension, but you know what they say: Where there’s smoke, there’s Ricky Williams.
• One Internet chatroom “reported” a fistfight between Arizona State’s Rob Evans and Arizona’s Lute Olson when both teams were in the Bay Area.
If only it had been true, that would have been Evans’ best chance to beat Olson on the road.