"It didn't rain at all this year during the Phoenix Open as it always has for years and years when they've held the event here. It must be ‘global drying.'"
"Every other word out of Rush Limbaugh's mouth is about socialist programs. Well, it's only socialist if it benefits someone else and not you."
"Obama delivered his promised ‘change' which - indicated by the chaos in Egypt, Libya, Yemen, Syria and Iran - is now accomplished and all five have now become his dilemma, a la Jimmy Carter. Now if he can be equally adroit and change our economy around as promised?"
"You will have to make a $250,000 profit on your home sale ($500,000 for a couple) before the 3.8 percent tax, per the health care bill, will kick in. Frankly, I wouldn't mind paying an additional 3.8 percent tax to help others with their health care if my spouse and I could make a $500,000 profit on our home sale."
"In response to the Indian tribe planning to sue beer makers: Your alcoholism and poverty for generations is not the fault of the beer makers. In fact, we should sue you for our sore eyes. Your properties are filthy and run down with abandoned homes, rusted out vehicles, and litter and debris everywhere. Instead of grabbing a beer, clean up your property. Or grab a beer and clean up your property. Most importantly, take responsibility and be accountable for your own actions. After all, this is America the beautiful, not America I'll sue you! What's next, suing the fast food joints for your obesity?"
"According to a Guttmacher survey, 98 percent of sexually-experienced Catholics use active methods of birth control. Contraception is not a moral issue for Catholics; it is a matter of conscience only for a tiny number of men in the formal hierarchy of the Catholic Church - the same hierarchy that refuses to open its records to the light of day, so that we may see how child molestations and rapes by Catholic clergy have been rampant, global, and tolerated for ages."
"Mr. Romney, isn't the ‘pursuit of happiness' letting a citizen marry the person they love? And won't a Constitutional Amendment banning gay marriage allow government interference in the pursuit of happiness?"
"Wouldn't it be cost-efficient to have a cadaver-sniffing dog on hand every time a garbage truck unloads at a land fill? Think of all the hours, money, and manpower could be saved in recovering bodies."
"The AAA says gas prices are going up because of factors that aren't named. The price of crude oil has been stable, there have been no refinery catastrophes reported, yet gas is going up. If I were a 99 percenter I'd think this was some kind of conspiracy by the 1 percent to slow the economy and keep it slow until after the election. That way the U.S. would get a kinder, gentler President - at least to big oil and the rest of the 1 percent."
"Remember that politicians, like most employees, work best for those who will pay them the most. I read recently that while some congressmen may already have a net worth above a million, almost all of them leave congress as millionaires. Keep in mind that they currently receive an annual salary of $174,000, plus benefits and perks. Remember, too, that they usually must keep two households, one in their congressional district, and another in the Washington area. If we, the taxpayers provide less than $200K per year, I wonder where they get the rest of their million dollars, and who is supplying it? Learn that, and you will know who are their true masters."