Unlike Tigers pitcher Kenny Rogers, we admit that this column is routinely written with the aid of pine tar, an Emory board, Vaseline and whatever we could find in Shawne Merriman’s medicine cabinet.
We empathize completely with The Gambler (“You’ve got to know when to hold ’em, know when to load ’em.”) Once you get past age 40, a guy needs every edge he can get.
Arizona Cardinals general counsel Michael Bidwill wants to know “How in the hell did we get to 1-6?”
Is he serious? A Bidwill doesn’t know how a Cardinals team got to 1-6? That family should know every back road and shortcut to that destination by now.
They’ve been to 1-6 as often as I’ve been to Burger King.
Now if he asked, “How do you get to 6-1?” I would totally understand. For the Cardinals, that’s harder to find than a handicapped parking space near the stadium.
HOW THE WEST WAS LOST
Coach Dennis Green and the rest of the folks at Hardy and Warner have to be looking at their NFC West rivals thinking, “They are who we thought they were” and agonizing over what could have been. Seattle is 4-2 and now without both Shaun Alexander and Matt Hasselbeck. The Rams are 4-2 and, as the Cardinals know first hand, imminently beatable.
San Francisco? Well, they lost to the Cardinals, making them not only the worst team in the Bay Area, but a candidate for national honors.
YO QUIERO FREEBIE
No Tiger or Cardinal cashed in on a unique chance to feed 300 million people. There wasn’t a single World Series homer in Game 3, excusing Taco Bell — reluctantly — of its responsibility to fork over a free taco to each American.
The company wanted to “lose” so badly, they expanded the “Taco Zone” from left field to the entire park in the seventh inning. By the ninth, even a ground-rule double might have scored a soft taco.
Rumor has it for Game 4; Taco Bell will offer a free chalupa to any viewer who spots a foreign substance on Tim McCarver.
- The Giants’ defense offers this restaurant review: If you’re in the Dallas Cowboys’ backfield, Drew Bledsoe is much better than Tony Romo to meet for ribs.
- NFL announcers, can we stop with this “New York football Giants” stuff? Baseball’s Giants left New York for San Francisco in 1958. After 48 years, does anyone still have a problem understanding which New York Giants we’re talking about?
- Another sign Joe Torre is on a short leash? With Lou Piniella off to ensure the Cubs go 100 years without a championship, Joe Girardi backed away from the vacant Washington Nationals job, just to remain, you know, available should the Yankees need him.