When you lose to the worst team in the NFL, doesn’t that make you the worst team in the NFL?
The Cardinals won’t get the spoils of that distinction — Reggie Bush will still head to either Houston or San Francisco. But after watching Arizona, in the 30th game of coach Dennis Green’s rebuilding project (10-20), get dominated by the Texans Sunday, that dubious label was earned where it counts, on the field.
The Texans will regret this win, if Bush winds up a 49er. But after snatching defeat from the jaws of victory several times — they even tanked against a third-string quarterback against St. Louis — Houston simply couldn’t help themselves against the Cardinals. It was just too easy.
With the Eagles and Colts waiting for Josh McCown and John Navarre, a 4-12 record and another good but not great draft pick are staring Arizona in the face.
As expected, the winds have suddenly shifted aboard the S.S. Ron Artest. Now Artest, or to his rapper pals, P-Dummy, has changed his mind and wants to stay with the Indiana Pacers.
Ron, my man . . . do you smell something burning? That’s a bridge, buddy. Your bridge. Enjoy Portland.
Advice to the teams that will trade for Artest and sign free agents like Terrell Owens, Latrell Sprewell and Frank Thomas down the road: You get what you pay for. Dennis Rodman in Chicago and Rasheed Wallace in Detroit were the exceptions. You have a much better chance of winding up with the rule.
THE RÉSUMÉ FOLDS OUT
Unable to land another sports gig after getting sacked by "Monday Night Football," Lisa Guerrero appears nude in the January issue of "Playboy," hoping to attract that network boss who doesn’t read résumés and just looks at the pictures.
Want to bet she finds one?
• After hearing they had traded Joe Thornton, I thought the Boston Bruins were crazy. After watching him raise the San Jose Sharks from the dead, now I know the Bruins were nuts.
• Holy Lazarus! The Hawks have suddenly won four of the past five games after riding 30 points by Joe Johnson to beat Denver on Sunday.
OK, so the reeling Nuggets were down to nine healthy bodies. But that’s the best stretch of Hawks basketball in two years!
• Which part of the glass are you seeing, Suns fans? The part that is 14-9 and a game out of the division lead or the part that’s an Eddie House hot streak away from a five-game losing streak?
• Indy quarterback Peyton Manning said the Chargers were treating Sunday’s game with the Colts "like a playoff game . . . and we were, too."
So that’s why San Diego’s 26-17 win looked like all those Colts playoff meltdowns from the past. If that’s all they have up their sleeve for the postseason, we’ve just witnessed the most meaningless 13-0 start in NFL history.