And don’t go near the microwave - East Valley Tribune: Opinion

And don’t go near the microwave

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Posted: Saturday, July 17, 2004 7:52 am | Updated: 6:15 pm, Thu Oct 6, 2011.

You don’t have to be paranoid to find this development a little freaky. Mexico’s attorney general and more than 160 people in his department have been implanted with tiny microchips the size of a grain of rice. Top members of the president’s office, the military and police are also soon to have microchip implants.

The point of the microchips is to tighten access to secure areas and classified documents. Down the road, the departments will be able to use the microchips to track the physical location of their employees.

Immediately some applications spring to mind in our own Washington, especially in keeping track of, say, the elusive Vice President Dick Cheney as he darts from secure location to secure location. The Associated Press says Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has largely disappeared from public view and we could find out what’s going on with him.

Secretary of State Colin Powell has been criticized for not traveling enough. If his microchip shows he’s spending too much time in the office, the president could pick up the phone and say, "Colin, you’ve got to go somewhere. No, no. Someplace a little farther afield than Baltimore. Why not see what the Grecians are up to?"

But you know if these microchips come north of the border it’s not the VIPs who are going to be implanted. No, it will be the workers in those immense big-box stores so that management can make sure that Joe is in housewares flogging pots and pans and not out on the loading dock catching a smoke.

This is a development to watch carefully. Maybe the black helicopter crowd should quit worrying about the United Nations and start worrying about Mexico.

On the positive side, we will have an answer to a question too infrequently asked: It’s 10 p.m. Do you know where your attorney general is?

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