Guy Side: Holidays are for forgotten beverages, too - East Valley Tribune: Get Out

Guy Side: Holidays are for forgotten beverages, too

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Posted: Sunday, December 23, 2007 3:15 pm | Updated: 6:49 pm, Fri Oct 7, 2011.

DUSTY THE EGGNOG

(With apologies to “Frosty the Snowman”)

Dusty the Eggnog

Had some doubts

about himself.

Bought to spread

good cheer,

He’s unopened here

On the ’frigerator shelf.

Dusty the Eggnog

Watched November

wax and wane.

He’s so full of fat,

Mom said, “None of that”

And it drove

poor Dad insane.

There must have been

some reason why

She bought him at the store.

Is it so she can

tell Dad “No!”

When he opens

the ’fridge door?

So, Dusty the Eggnog

Had to cool his heels

and wait.

Still quite tasty, yet

He will stink like death

On his expiration date.

Open door, look, look

Open door, look, look

Turkey Day comes

and goes.

Open door, look, look

Open door, look, look

“Honey, can I —?” “No!”

Dusty the Eggnog

Watched hors d’oeuvres

and cookies leave.

Things were ate and drank,

While his nutmeg sank

'Til he could

no more believe.

Open door, look, look

Open door, look, look

“Honey can I, please?”

Open door, look, look

Open door, look, look

Dusty’s becoming cheese

Dusty the Eggnog

Got dejected,

then got peeved

“I will curdle hard

Like an old child star”

He resolved, on

Christmas Eve.

But somewhere in the

dead of night

His primetime moment fell.

When Santa opened

up the fridge,

And said, “Eggnog?

What the ...!”

Chug-iddy-chug-chug

Chug-iddy-chug-chug

Look at Dusty go!

Chug-iddy-chug-chug

Santa gave him a home!

Dusty the Eggnog

Thought he missed

the Eggnog Prom.

Santa found our guy,

And he drank him dry,

'Least that’s what

we’re telling Mom.

Here lies a lesson

That, at Christmas,

gives us pause:

Hold your dreams real tight,

And one day you might

Pad the thighs

of Santa Claus!

Happy holidays to everyone, from the Guy Side.

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